Come and listen to my story 'bout a star named Mel, 
He was drunker than a skunk, and now he's really catchin' hell, 
One night he got pulled over down in Malibu, 
And he asked the cop a question, "Hey, are you a Jew?" 

Sheeny, that is. 
Nickel nose. 
Red Sea pedestrian. 

Well, the next thing you know it's all over CNN: 
And the Hollywood hebes said "He'll never work again!" 
And spin folks said, "Next time take a cab!" 
Instead it's gonna be ninety days of rehab. 

Betty Ford, that is. 
Carrot juice. 
Twelve steps. 

Well, the moral to my story is this, forsooth, 
If you're gonna get hammered, don't never speak the truth. 
Don't never speak your mind about a certain Tribe, 
When you're talking to the cop, just offer him a bribe. 

Less trouble that way. 
Keep the ADL off your ass. 
Christ-killing bastards.